Hi Loves,
I made a thing for you (again.) Femme Bonds XVI—my annual playlist of the best femme-fronted songs of the past year (ish)—is here.
It’s been another weird one for a lot of us. The usual reflection questions still feel impossible to answer. How are you? What was the year like? What were some highlights? (OK, I think? Full, somehow? A friend asked me to facilitate her mom’s funeral?) I marvel at anyone who’s been able to send a holiday card, choose a photo, ask for an address, say something true. My memory is getting fuzzy; my words are getting fewer. This is mostly fine.
This is mostly fine because I have music. Making playlists is the closest thing I have to a hobby right now. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing I do in which my mind floats and time swims and suddenly I am apologizing to the therapist for being two minutes late. Sorry, I was tending the transition between track four and five again. In a delicious reversal of roles, children stand at my bedroom door, while my puffy headphones blare, and say, Hello? Are you there? I’m talking to yooooooooou….
Yes, dears, I’m talking to me, too.
There are lots of ways to talk without talking, and after another year of unspeakable absurdity, they all seem precious to me. To talk with our tired feet against a sidewalk. To talk with our eyes closed and the covers pulled. To talk through the borrowed words of others: scripture, poetry, lyrics. To talk by listening. While listening to this year’s playlist, the music covering my ear like a conch shell, I sob-smiled into a sea of fresh feeling. It was a relief to feel my pulse.
A pastor I know says that Christmas is better sung than said. And I believe him. I believe him that music makes way for the magic of complexity. Music for when you believe (Jesus is born!) but also have some unbelief (No crying he makes?). Music for when you are feeling human (these people are hard to love!) and when you are feeling divine (you don’t have to love them alone!) Music for your rainbow of moods because your moods are talking to you. Even when, or especially when, you’re all talked out.
So this is me wishing you a very moody Christmas.
And a vibey New Year.
XO,
Erin
P.S. If you are my favorite, you will tell me your favorite track.
P.P.S. If you are in the mood to make fun of your moods, please see the genius that is Maya Erskine’s and Anna Konkle’s middle school drama, Pen15.
P.P.P.S. If you are in the mood to listen to holiday music, my favorites (in no particular order) are: Christmas with the Chipmunks (Alvin & the Chipmunks), A Legendary Christmas (John Legend), and Christmas Songs (Diana Krall.) What about yours?!?
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